Hazy

Stagnant. Still. Unmoving. Asleep. Idle. Gathering dust.Settled. Medium. Middle. Neither growing nor shrinking. Not moving forward or backwards. Redundant. Stationary. Stock still. Shoes melted to the floor. Sinking sand. Chains. Standstill. Locked door. Missing key. Uncertainty.

All of these things.

Frustration. Apathy. Worry. Anger. Stress. Difficulty. Crossroads. Fear. Helplessness. Observer. Spectator. Outside looking in. Inside looking out. Impatience. Restless. Irritation. Self loathing. Self centered.

All of these things.

Dreams. Dreamer. Hopes. Visions. Creativity. Books. Writing. Smiles. Laughter. Friends. Newness. Novelty. Resemblance. Eagerness. Theatre. Family. Home. Love. Faith. Romance. Happiness. Contentment. Silver lining. Greener grass. Second chances. Next time. Peace.

All of these things.

Future. Present. Past. Schedule. Planner. Organization. Chaos. Management. Control. Release. You. Me. Him. Her. Everyone. No one. Tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. Someday. Eternity.

LIFE.

All of these things are just a few of the things on my mind these days. Hoping and praying for some clarity soon. Prayers are welcomed and will surely be returned. Maybe a more detailed post later.

Jump Then Fall

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to--


What? It's July 17th already? Since when??
Hm... Guess it's not my birthday anymore. Oh well.


Even if today is now tomorrow, I had an absolutely fantastic birthday yesterday. Went out to lunch with Claire and Chelsi at La Madeleine then shopped with Claire and her mom until it was time for dinner with the gang at The Cheesecake Bistro. I have been so blessed with so many new, wonderful friends here! We had a great time, ate wonderful food and simply enjoyed each others' company. As a friend just reminded me, sometimes simple or simply can be quite nice.


Claire and I spent a good amount of time a Barnes&Noble today (I love that place!) and I found about seven books that are on my next-to-buy list. I should actually write that list down at some point, shouldn't I? Most were novels, and the majority of those were spin offs or near to the topics of Pride&Prejudice, Jane Austen, or Shakespeare. I reminded myself that I have three books of those same sorts packed away for the apartment that I should read first before I go buy new ones. Not that I'm going to have much time to read once we're in the apartment. There is absolutely no break between Footloose and Gypsy so once school begins and summer ends, things will remain in full swing.


Speaking of the apartment, Claire and I got some cute decorations for the apartment today, too. Some picture frames and wall decorations, things of that nature. It'll be fun to get things all situated and set up the way we want it. But getting to the apartment means several things, the saddest of which will be that the summer is over and I have to leave all my wonderful Central friends.


But let's not think about that. It's these wonderful friends that I have the next month to spend with. In and out of rehearsals, making plenty of memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Each and every one of these new friends of mine hold a special place in my heart. They've also taught me many valuable things this summer and I cannot wait to keep learning.


Like tonight, beyond being blessed with such fun friends, I am blessed to be surrounded by a group of fellow believers who love to encourage one another and give glory to God and His crown. Seriously. Tonight when we were out after dinner, we were approached by a street evangelist. If he did nothing else, he got me thinking, which I believe was a very good thing. He presented a challenge and a thought, prodding me to evaluate where I stand and what I think on a few things. It reaffirmed the belief and joy in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence or chance. We met him for a reason.


I mean, come on! We went to the Apple store because Garrett wanted to buy something for his iPhone, but it was closed. We lingered outside just talking until a security guard asked us to move over (which made no sense at the time why on one area of concrete we seemed like troublemakers but on the next we were perfectly acceptable, nonthreatening teenagers) and then out comes the evangelist to our little group and tada. Whether we were meant to meet him for me to have something to think about, for him to be encouraged by a large group of believers, or for the man who approached asking "how do you know what heaven tastes like?" to simply have someone to talk to, or whether it was for some other reason we are never to know, it is still exciting that there is a reason!

I may write more later, but right now, I'm exhausted. Just had to get a few thoughts out :]
Goodnight all!

Airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now.

On the way to CCT just now, I heard the song with these lyrics for the first time. I'd seen the lyrics posted on a multitude of statuses on Facebook over the past few weeks, but I truly had never heard the recorded version. A lucky guess led me to find that Hayley Williams is the voice behind the words; each repetition of the four lines were a breath of fresh air from the lengthy rapped majority of the song. But then I got to thinking...

I don't need to pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars even though I could really use a wish right now. I've got something that rings with far more truth than a silver 757 with a blinking light that only pretends to be a star moving across the sky. I've got Someone that can grant me more than a wish, a wish that comes with a catch and a clause saying that I can't tell anyone or it won't come true. I don't have 3000 feet of cold, polluted air between me and my Dream-Giver.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8: 3-4

You could say that I've got my lucky stars to thank for the Someone I have, but then I'd beg to differ. I have no fortunate orbs of hot gas to praise for the relationship I have with a true Light to the world. I have only He Himself to thank time and time again for the sacrifice He made and the love He has for me. His love is unlike any other's; it is unending and unconditional. It is everlasting and enticing. He wants to draw us near to Him.

Next time you look up at the sky, really look. You might see a shooting star; isn't it beautiful? Maybe it was an airplane; isn't the mind God gave us --the mind with the capacity to create such a marvel-- incredible?

He named each star as He set it in place. He knows every detail about that star: it's temperature, age, distance from earth, and the precise moment at which you'll look at it. It's the same with me and with you. He knows every detail about us: how many hairs are on our head, the speed at which thoughts race through our minds, our exact age down to the millisecond, and exactly where you're sitting and what you're doing right now. That amazes me.

As far as wishes go, I will agree that it is fun to have an image or a thought in mind when you blow out the candles atop a birthday cake (whether they number five or nineteen) and it's a familiar scene in our favorite movies when the main character closes their eyes tight and ties all her hopes and dreams to the bright light flashing across the sky. That's great, really, but is it real?

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Guess what? That means He knows what they are. He knows every dream, goal, hope and wish that you have for today, tomorrow, and beyond. He knows the ones you had yesterday. He knows the ones you had when you were six. He knows them and He placed them in your heart --the special place that should be reserved for Him-- so that He can safeguard them and form them and see them through.

Romans 8:26-28 tells us that the Spirit helps us and intercedes for us, going for the Lord on our behalf when we do not know what to think or pray. The One who knows us best also knows how to pray for us best and prepare for us best. All things work for the good of His will and purpose which is exciting in itself.

What's exciting to me is that it's okay to have dreams! It's okay to have high hopes and wishes! God has them too! He has so many plans and dreams for this world that He is absolutely eager to see come to life, and He want's us to help Him.

He doesn't need us to, for He could certainly do it on His own, but we should feel honored that He wants our help. Us! Lowly, sinful, unclean us. He has chosen us, gifted us, to live with Him in eternity should we love Him and trust Him, beliving in Him and inviting Him into our hearts.

Our God is so good! I could go on forever. And I will :)
That is the only plan I have right now: to sing His praises, do His work, and stand in awe of Him forever! That plan sounds good to me.

Beautiful, Beautiful

Don't take for granted who you are. We spend years of our lives trying to be someone else. We envy the way someone dresses, are jealous of the attention someone recieves; we want to become the center of attention as easily as the girl two seats away from us. We wish we walked differently, talked differently, dress, acted, ate, sang differently.

But then, don't we admire the people we do because they are unlike anyone else? It's their originality that makes such an impact. It's the things that make them unique that we all chase after so badly.

Don't you know that no one else talks the way you do? No one smiles with the same intensity and no one's eyes blink in the same pattern. No one has the same fingerprints, morning bedhead, or itunes library as you. No one dots their i's or crosses their t's the same as you. You are uniquely you.

No one's silent laugh of amusement is the same as yours. No one walks across hot concrete, wades through cool water, or takes the stage the same way you do. The way you count out change or determine your left from your right is wholly yours. The path of where you look for your missing keys and the time you take to choose your words are unlike anyone else's. What hurts your feelings and what cheers you up, they're yours, too. You are uniquely you.

The way you unconsciously twist your hair and the self-made song you tap your fingernails to are yours as well. The strength with which you love, the gravity with which you believe, the lengths to which you trust; all those are yours. The qualities in yourself that you're thinking of right now? Yes, those are yours too.

I'm not sure where this came from, but it was something that appealed to me. Something sparked inside that I wanted to put into words. I am uniquely me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Yet I don't give my Creator enough thanks and praise for that as He deserves.

So, here is my thank you. Thank You, Lord, for the way You have created me. Thank You for all Your unique creations in this world. Thank You for the ones I've met and those I haven't. Thank You for putting up with us when we criticise Your work, and please forgive us for doing it. You remind us of Your brilliance and creativity in everything we come across. Thank you so much!

And to anyone who reads this, never ever forget that you are uniquely you. He made you the way you are for a reason, and He loves you just as you are!

Primavera

Well, it's here, isn't it? Summer is kicking it up in full swing. Spring Show has come and gone, having spun a whirlwind of drama around itself, but the means to an end with money for summer and next semester is complete. Ten days of a garage sale, with one on either side of the permit for prep and take-down, have been completed which is a major relief and weight off my shoulders. Looks like I've got today and tomorrow to wrap up a few things here then it's off to Central!

Friday is going to be a long day. A good day, but a long day. I'm not too fond of long car rides, let alone drives, but I think Ill manage. My iPod is updated with some new music, a sermon series a few friends just rave about, and both oldies and goodies (if you could consider 'N SYNC, Backstreet Boys, and the old country greats "oldies"). Ill be leaving bright and early, but the sooner the better, you know? I want plenty of time to take my time on the road and to be able to stop when I need to. Guess that's just the routine. I've made the drive 4 times now, there and back and there and back, but all four times I was with Claire. Little Miss will be in Cali still so I guess it's just me, myself, and my iPod.

Footloose starts Monday and I'm sooooooo excited. I miss performing so much. It will be a blast to be in rehearsals again, learning routines and what not. I know this show like the back of my hand but still! I was on the tech end of it last time; now I get to be in it. Plus, I'll be around a crew of new fantastic friends (some I have yet to meet even) which will just add to the fun.

Guess this was just a quick update, sort of a check point about where I am. Now it's off to Walmart and to pack; if I'm planning to head out on Friday there's a few things I should probably get done first :)

Summer 2010? Yes, please!
Song of the day: "Primavera" by Ludovico Einaudi
{A little ironic for a post about summer to have a song about spring :) Enjoy! }

Amen

I love finding new songs. Especially by my favorite artists. Dave Barnes has a relatively new one that's been stuck in my head the past few days. "Amen". :] Couldn't help but post them. And I have a new playlist. It is included, of course, along with a few other greats. I also have a slight obsession with post-it notes, so the picture was too cute not to share. Enjoy!


We will have love
We will have pain
There will be days and days and days that feel the same
We will have fear
We will have joy
And maybe little girls and little boys

We will have friends
We will have peace
There will be nights of lights and music 'til you sleep
We will be strong
We will still break
We'll live through so much more than we can take

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

We will have hope
We will have doubt
There will be memories we could never live without
We will have tears
But there will be grace
There will be prayers that we never thought we'd pray

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

In the sun or the storms
The flood or the flames
Let everything come, and I'm the one to blame
In heartache or hope
I swear I'll say,
I'll say

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

Nonfiction Love Song

I have decided: I am going to be a photographer.

If only it was that easy, right? There are many things I wish I could simply speak into existence, but it doesn't always work that way. Back to what I was saying, I'd love to be a photographer. It's always been an option, always been sitting on the edge of my mind as a hobby I'd like to take up or a profession I could go into. I mean, it's only natural. First step into my house and you can easily see that I've been surrounded by pictures --and hundreds of them-- all my life.

My mother has an obsession with them. We have dozens of them hanging on every wall and sitting on every table, television, windowsill, any piece of furniture with a flat surface has a picture on it. No joke. She was always snapping pictures of us; running around in the yard, playing dress up in our rooms, dancing in recitals, a whole multitude of daily occurrances captured on film. Now almost all things film have gone to digital, but that's a whole 'nother story (let's just say, I'm determined to own a polaroid camera one day; just for kicks).

Seriously though. Photography just does wonders. I still have no idea how it works but it floors me how a little contraption --which with technology grows smaller and smaller by the year-- can capture a split second of time for us to look back over and frame and keep for years to come. Memories are great, a wonderful thing to think on and enjoy, but there's just something about seeing that moment relived in a picture. The thought of capturing those moments and preserving them.. it makes me want to catch every second of every day and put it in my pocket.

I know, I know.. there's a thing called living in the moment. There's an element of stepping out of that moment when you have to press pause on what is happening to dig through your purse for that little silver and blue camera which may or may not have enough battery power to snap a shot of that kodak moment that most likely just passed you by. I get that, I do. But what about catching that wide smile and joyous moment (or moments) for other people? That's something I'd love to do.

So... I'm a smidge of a romantic, incredibly girly, and have been known to cry and squeal from time to time if something should happen that tugs at my heartstrings. It happens. And it happens over pictures. A lot. I find myself more and more lately perusing various photographers blogs and sites and sessions, wishing that I could do something similar.

I'm going to make it happen. Eventually. Just you wait and see.

This post, random as always, was inspired by that new hobby of looking through webpage after webpage of photography, and it was one session that hit me in particular. The pictures were gorgeous, absolutely beautiful, and the couple was Dagen and Avery, friends of a friend from Lifegroup (Avery is actually the roommate of the girl whose house we met at every week). It was a combination of the pictures and the story (HERE) behind their engagement and relationship that just took the cake for me (again, it's that whole hopeless romantic thing). A beautiful, Christian, inspiring couple.

Enough for tonight though. Or this morning, as it would be just after 2am. I'm rambling at this point. The other update I was originally going to post will come. Again, eventually.

For now, enjoy a few of my favorite photographers (and the above photo is credited to the first site listed below):
http://www.kathrynkrueger.com/
http://www.sixfourteenphotography.com/
http://www.daisypearlportraits.com/
http://stokedproductions.org/

Good night, and sweet dreams to all!
Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"Nonfiction Love Song" by Jillian Edwards