new blog :)

Hey everyone, just a note, I have a new blog.I may still write here, though probably not as often. I just wanted someplace new.

So head on over to yellowshoesandgrace.blogspot.com :)

Breakfast in Bed

I want to live where there are seasons. Four distinct, separate, predictable seasons. Cold in the winter. Hot in the summer. Cool, musky, humid and wet in the spring. Chilly, crisp, windy, and golden. Give me snow fall, rain clouds, sun beams, and falling leaves. Winter, spring, summer, fall. I want to live somwhere with seasons.

Life is full of seasons, when you think about it. Not seasons recognized by weather changes (or a lack thereof), but seasons of living. Infancy, childhood, adolesence, young adulthood, adulthood, and so on. Daycare, preschool, elementary, middle school, high school, college, real world. Confusion, understanding, learning, completion. Singleness, dating, engagement, marriage. Harvest, desert, battle, and fire. Take your pick. We live in a world of seasons.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a timefor war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I've been feeling really confused about my season lately. I've felt lost and stagnate, stuck in a rut if you will. I felt without purpose or direction, turning in circles without moving at all.

But that's my season. My season is to be here, doing what I'm doing, learning what I can and using that to lead me to the next season, whatever it might be.

And I'm not the only one in a new or different season. It's been both interesting and hard to watch other people step into theirs. For some, it's flattering and warming, seeing light poured upon them and blessings, watching them flourish in their season, taking complete advantage of all that it gives. Others, the road has been more difficult, darker, tough to hash out. It is not an easy thing, watching someone stumble and suffer through a season. But every season has a reason. They really do.

This season means a lot. This season is more than one season. This season is fall, drawing near to winter. This season is exams; the semester is nearly over. This season is Christmas, celebrating the birth of our Savior. This season is waiting, being patient and with open ears. This season is decision making, following new paths. This season is learning about seasons, and finding a new excitement for each one to come.

This season is my season.

On This Winter's Night

Coming Soon :)

"Most of the time the world gets love between and man and a women all wrong. I am certain of this. There are countless movies about running after the one you love. Many characters run after someone else not caring about anything else. Movies portray that love is what is really considered obsession. If you think about someone day in and day out, they have become your obsession, your God. You could want to go after someone you think you love with all your heart, but if the Lord says no, than its a no. If you are willing to ignore what God is telling you to do or not to do. Tf you are willing to disobey was God says in His word, than that person has most certainly become your God. Don’t get me wrong, love does require sacrifice and desire and even passion, just in its own way. More important than chasing after someone you love, there is patience. more than your own desire, there is God’s desire; that is for you to be totally content and fulfilled in Him."
^Simply a quote I found and love. It is so very, very true.

The Feeling

I don't know what I'm doing. Avoiding panic? Meltdown? I shouldn't be experiencing this unwanted rush of nerves and jitters, but I am.

I said "No." That's what I intended to do, meant to do, and did. The execution of such a response occurred, a little less gracefully than I would have liked, but I said it. I turned it down. It's what I wanted and needed to do.

So why am I freaking out?

I don't like telling people no. I don't like giving up opportunities even if I didn't necessarily want them in the first place. I like being the go-to-girl and the one who takes a burden off your shoulders or fills a gap that's empty. But I couldn't this time. It wasn't physically possible. Okay, so I could have done it. I have no doubts that I would have put my all into it should I have taken the chance, but I didn't want to.

I want to have a life. I want the opportunity to be cast. I want to have time for homework and friends. I want to be able to go to Lifegroup. I want to not be exhausted every day of the week. I want to be a normal college student, at least for a semester. Is that too much to ask?

I mean, I'm capable. I could pull it off. It would be a rush. I don't know if it would be fun, but it would be something new and different. But I need to let go. I needed to say no.Didn't I?

See? This is what I do. I talk myself into a frenzy, pile myself up with commitments and obligations and I pack my schedule full. I feel like if I don't, then I'm doing nothing with my life or disappointing someone. Not that I've had any measure of time where I haven't been ultra-committed in the past five and a half years to know what it's going to be like. It's new territory to be explored, and I'm scared to be honest.

So many decisions to make and answers to stick to. I just wish I had more clarity on this. Bah.

Until next time,

Bailey Jean
~And the picture isn't relevant at all. It was just precious.

Die Moldau

I am totally procrastinating at this point and I know it. It's nearly 12:30 in the morning and I am not even halfway done with this homework. Well, reading/studying. Not my fault that the music pieces I have to listen to and memorize are up to twelve minutes long a piece and there are seven of them! But it's such wonderful music, so I dont mind :)

Vltana (Die Moldau) by Smetana was one we listened to in my Intro to Music class and it is now among my favorite orchestral pieces. It sounds like something from the movie Sleeping Beauty, which I watched yesterday by the way. It tells a story and I can see every moment of it clearly when I listen to it. It's amazing.

Though I may be procrastinating now, this weekend was very productive and enjoyable. Friday night after Gypsy rehearsal, Martha, Nathan, and Hannah came over and we had a little sewing party. The girls made Baylor t-shirt dresses, Nathan made a belt, and I made a pillow. It was so much fun. I realized that I hadn't spent much time with Nathan and Martha outside of Sing practice and they are such splendid people. They make my heart smile :)

On Saturday, I went antiquing with Hannah and Morgan at Laverty's, Bumble & Bee Swanky, and Spice. I got some lovely decorations for the kitchen and we found some spiffy items for Morgan's room. I am sooo looking forward to going back. We've also decided that, since my hometown is the antique capital of the US, we'll be spending Fall Break at my house. I can't wait! Each of those girls hold a special place in my heart. Such shining women of God and blessings on my life. They are some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Saturday night, Martha and Hannah came over again and more sewing ensued! Well, they sewed and I decorated/rearranged the kitchen. I am pretty happy with it if I do say so myself. And it was so inexpensive! That's my kind of decorating. The room looks so much more put-together and home-y. Just what we wanted.

Continuing on to Sunday, aka today or even yesterday at this point, Claire and I went to church then returned to the apartment with some cleaning on our minds. We cleaned/organized the downstairs before Druid and Sing meetings, watched a few movies, and now here I am, putting off my homework.

I really need to prioritize better. This week is going to be insane. It's tech week for Gypsy, I have a French test and a Theatre History test, as well as a Music quiz, production meeting, discipleship, the Shakespeare scenes performances, and the first Baylor Theatre Girls' Group meeting of the semester. So much to do! How on earth is all of this going to get done?

And did I mention that Martha has enlisted me to help her decorate her living/dining room? Design on a Dime Bailey-Style will be happening somewhere in the mix of all of this. Goodness gracious.

But what is life if not chaotic?
:)

I think it's time for homework though, so I'll leave you with a snap of the kitchen below. Enjoy!

It's amazing what a pair of shutters, some paint, a few wooden spoons and letters, clearance bulletin boards and an old set of blueprints can do to a formerly bland kitchen. Home sweet home.

Hazy

Stagnant. Still. Unmoving. Asleep. Idle. Gathering dust.Settled. Medium. Middle. Neither growing nor shrinking. Not moving forward or backwards. Redundant. Stationary. Stock still. Shoes melted to the floor. Sinking sand. Chains. Standstill. Locked door. Missing key. Uncertainty.

All of these things.

Frustration. Apathy. Worry. Anger. Stress. Difficulty. Crossroads. Fear. Helplessness. Observer. Spectator. Outside looking in. Inside looking out. Impatience. Restless. Irritation. Self loathing. Self centered.

All of these things.

Dreams. Dreamer. Hopes. Visions. Creativity. Books. Writing. Smiles. Laughter. Friends. Newness. Novelty. Resemblance. Eagerness. Theatre. Family. Home. Love. Faith. Romance. Happiness. Contentment. Silver lining. Greener grass. Second chances. Next time. Peace.

All of these things.

Future. Present. Past. Schedule. Planner. Organization. Chaos. Management. Control. Release. You. Me. Him. Her. Everyone. No one. Tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. Someday. Eternity.

LIFE.

All of these things are just a few of the things on my mind these days. Hoping and praying for some clarity soon. Prayers are welcomed and will surely be returned. Maybe a more detailed post later.

Jump Then Fall

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to--


What? It's July 17th already? Since when??
Hm... Guess it's not my birthday anymore. Oh well.


Even if today is now tomorrow, I had an absolutely fantastic birthday yesterday. Went out to lunch with Claire and Chelsi at La Madeleine then shopped with Claire and her mom until it was time for dinner with the gang at The Cheesecake Bistro. I have been so blessed with so many new, wonderful friends here! We had a great time, ate wonderful food and simply enjoyed each others' company. As a friend just reminded me, sometimes simple or simply can be quite nice.


Claire and I spent a good amount of time a Barnes&Noble today (I love that place!) and I found about seven books that are on my next-to-buy list. I should actually write that list down at some point, shouldn't I? Most were novels, and the majority of those were spin offs or near to the topics of Pride&Prejudice, Jane Austen, or Shakespeare. I reminded myself that I have three books of those same sorts packed away for the apartment that I should read first before I go buy new ones. Not that I'm going to have much time to read once we're in the apartment. There is absolutely no break between Footloose and Gypsy so once school begins and summer ends, things will remain in full swing.


Speaking of the apartment, Claire and I got some cute decorations for the apartment today, too. Some picture frames and wall decorations, things of that nature. It'll be fun to get things all situated and set up the way we want it. But getting to the apartment means several things, the saddest of which will be that the summer is over and I have to leave all my wonderful Central friends.


But let's not think about that. It's these wonderful friends that I have the next month to spend with. In and out of rehearsals, making plenty of memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Each and every one of these new friends of mine hold a special place in my heart. They've also taught me many valuable things this summer and I cannot wait to keep learning.


Like tonight, beyond being blessed with such fun friends, I am blessed to be surrounded by a group of fellow believers who love to encourage one another and give glory to God and His crown. Seriously. Tonight when we were out after dinner, we were approached by a street evangelist. If he did nothing else, he got me thinking, which I believe was a very good thing. He presented a challenge and a thought, prodding me to evaluate where I stand and what I think on a few things. It reaffirmed the belief and joy in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence or chance. We met him for a reason.


I mean, come on! We went to the Apple store because Garrett wanted to buy something for his iPhone, but it was closed. We lingered outside just talking until a security guard asked us to move over (which made no sense at the time why on one area of concrete we seemed like troublemakers but on the next we were perfectly acceptable, nonthreatening teenagers) and then out comes the evangelist to our little group and tada. Whether we were meant to meet him for me to have something to think about, for him to be encouraged by a large group of believers, or for the man who approached asking "how do you know what heaven tastes like?" to simply have someone to talk to, or whether it was for some other reason we are never to know, it is still exciting that there is a reason!

I may write more later, but right now, I'm exhausted. Just had to get a few thoughts out :]
Goodnight all!