new blog :)

Hey everyone, just a note, I have a new blog.I may still write here, though probably not as often. I just wanted someplace new.

So head on over to yellowshoesandgrace.blogspot.com :)

Breakfast in Bed

I want to live where there are seasons. Four distinct, separate, predictable seasons. Cold in the winter. Hot in the summer. Cool, musky, humid and wet in the spring. Chilly, crisp, windy, and golden. Give me snow fall, rain clouds, sun beams, and falling leaves. Winter, spring, summer, fall. I want to live somwhere with seasons.

Life is full of seasons, when you think about it. Not seasons recognized by weather changes (or a lack thereof), but seasons of living. Infancy, childhood, adolesence, young adulthood, adulthood, and so on. Daycare, preschool, elementary, middle school, high school, college, real world. Confusion, understanding, learning, completion. Singleness, dating, engagement, marriage. Harvest, desert, battle, and fire. Take your pick. We live in a world of seasons.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a timefor war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I've been feeling really confused about my season lately. I've felt lost and stagnate, stuck in a rut if you will. I felt without purpose or direction, turning in circles without moving at all.

But that's my season. My season is to be here, doing what I'm doing, learning what I can and using that to lead me to the next season, whatever it might be.

And I'm not the only one in a new or different season. It's been both interesting and hard to watch other people step into theirs. For some, it's flattering and warming, seeing light poured upon them and blessings, watching them flourish in their season, taking complete advantage of all that it gives. Others, the road has been more difficult, darker, tough to hash out. It is not an easy thing, watching someone stumble and suffer through a season. But every season has a reason. They really do.

This season means a lot. This season is more than one season. This season is fall, drawing near to winter. This season is exams; the semester is nearly over. This season is Christmas, celebrating the birth of our Savior. This season is waiting, being patient and with open ears. This season is decision making, following new paths. This season is learning about seasons, and finding a new excitement for each one to come.

This season is my season.

On This Winter's Night

Coming Soon :)

"Most of the time the world gets love between and man and a women all wrong. I am certain of this. There are countless movies about running after the one you love. Many characters run after someone else not caring about anything else. Movies portray that love is what is really considered obsession. If you think about someone day in and day out, they have become your obsession, your God. You could want to go after someone you think you love with all your heart, but if the Lord says no, than its a no. If you are willing to ignore what God is telling you to do or not to do. Tf you are willing to disobey was God says in His word, than that person has most certainly become your God. Don’t get me wrong, love does require sacrifice and desire and even passion, just in its own way. More important than chasing after someone you love, there is patience. more than your own desire, there is God’s desire; that is for you to be totally content and fulfilled in Him."
^Simply a quote I found and love. It is so very, very true.

The Feeling

I don't know what I'm doing. Avoiding panic? Meltdown? I shouldn't be experiencing this unwanted rush of nerves and jitters, but I am.

I said "No." That's what I intended to do, meant to do, and did. The execution of such a response occurred, a little less gracefully than I would have liked, but I said it. I turned it down. It's what I wanted and needed to do.

So why am I freaking out?

I don't like telling people no. I don't like giving up opportunities even if I didn't necessarily want them in the first place. I like being the go-to-girl and the one who takes a burden off your shoulders or fills a gap that's empty. But I couldn't this time. It wasn't physically possible. Okay, so I could have done it. I have no doubts that I would have put my all into it should I have taken the chance, but I didn't want to.

I want to have a life. I want the opportunity to be cast. I want to have time for homework and friends. I want to be able to go to Lifegroup. I want to not be exhausted every day of the week. I want to be a normal college student, at least for a semester. Is that too much to ask?

I mean, I'm capable. I could pull it off. It would be a rush. I don't know if it would be fun, but it would be something new and different. But I need to let go. I needed to say no.Didn't I?

See? This is what I do. I talk myself into a frenzy, pile myself up with commitments and obligations and I pack my schedule full. I feel like if I don't, then I'm doing nothing with my life or disappointing someone. Not that I've had any measure of time where I haven't been ultra-committed in the past five and a half years to know what it's going to be like. It's new territory to be explored, and I'm scared to be honest.

So many decisions to make and answers to stick to. I just wish I had more clarity on this. Bah.

Until next time,

Bailey Jean
~And the picture isn't relevant at all. It was just precious.

Die Moldau

I am totally procrastinating at this point and I know it. It's nearly 12:30 in the morning and I am not even halfway done with this homework. Well, reading/studying. Not my fault that the music pieces I have to listen to and memorize are up to twelve minutes long a piece and there are seven of them! But it's such wonderful music, so I dont mind :)

Vltana (Die Moldau) by Smetana was one we listened to in my Intro to Music class and it is now among my favorite orchestral pieces. It sounds like something from the movie Sleeping Beauty, which I watched yesterday by the way. It tells a story and I can see every moment of it clearly when I listen to it. It's amazing.

Though I may be procrastinating now, this weekend was very productive and enjoyable. Friday night after Gypsy rehearsal, Martha, Nathan, and Hannah came over and we had a little sewing party. The girls made Baylor t-shirt dresses, Nathan made a belt, and I made a pillow. It was so much fun. I realized that I hadn't spent much time with Nathan and Martha outside of Sing practice and they are such splendid people. They make my heart smile :)

On Saturday, I went antiquing with Hannah and Morgan at Laverty's, Bumble & Bee Swanky, and Spice. I got some lovely decorations for the kitchen and we found some spiffy items for Morgan's room. I am sooo looking forward to going back. We've also decided that, since my hometown is the antique capital of the US, we'll be spending Fall Break at my house. I can't wait! Each of those girls hold a special place in my heart. Such shining women of God and blessings on my life. They are some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Saturday night, Martha and Hannah came over again and more sewing ensued! Well, they sewed and I decorated/rearranged the kitchen. I am pretty happy with it if I do say so myself. And it was so inexpensive! That's my kind of decorating. The room looks so much more put-together and home-y. Just what we wanted.

Continuing on to Sunday, aka today or even yesterday at this point, Claire and I went to church then returned to the apartment with some cleaning on our minds. We cleaned/organized the downstairs before Druid and Sing meetings, watched a few movies, and now here I am, putting off my homework.

I really need to prioritize better. This week is going to be insane. It's tech week for Gypsy, I have a French test and a Theatre History test, as well as a Music quiz, production meeting, discipleship, the Shakespeare scenes performances, and the first Baylor Theatre Girls' Group meeting of the semester. So much to do! How on earth is all of this going to get done?

And did I mention that Martha has enlisted me to help her decorate her living/dining room? Design on a Dime Bailey-Style will be happening somewhere in the mix of all of this. Goodness gracious.

But what is life if not chaotic?
:)

I think it's time for homework though, so I'll leave you with a snap of the kitchen below. Enjoy!

It's amazing what a pair of shutters, some paint, a few wooden spoons and letters, clearance bulletin boards and an old set of blueprints can do to a formerly bland kitchen. Home sweet home.

Hazy

Stagnant. Still. Unmoving. Asleep. Idle. Gathering dust.Settled. Medium. Middle. Neither growing nor shrinking. Not moving forward or backwards. Redundant. Stationary. Stock still. Shoes melted to the floor. Sinking sand. Chains. Standstill. Locked door. Missing key. Uncertainty.

All of these things.

Frustration. Apathy. Worry. Anger. Stress. Difficulty. Crossroads. Fear. Helplessness. Observer. Spectator. Outside looking in. Inside looking out. Impatience. Restless. Irritation. Self loathing. Self centered.

All of these things.

Dreams. Dreamer. Hopes. Visions. Creativity. Books. Writing. Smiles. Laughter. Friends. Newness. Novelty. Resemblance. Eagerness. Theatre. Family. Home. Love. Faith. Romance. Happiness. Contentment. Silver lining. Greener grass. Second chances. Next time. Peace.

All of these things.

Future. Present. Past. Schedule. Planner. Organization. Chaos. Management. Control. Release. You. Me. Him. Her. Everyone. No one. Tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. Someday. Eternity.

LIFE.

All of these things are just a few of the things on my mind these days. Hoping and praying for some clarity soon. Prayers are welcomed and will surely be returned. Maybe a more detailed post later.

Jump Then Fall

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to--


What? It's July 17th already? Since when??
Hm... Guess it's not my birthday anymore. Oh well.


Even if today is now tomorrow, I had an absolutely fantastic birthday yesterday. Went out to lunch with Claire and Chelsi at La Madeleine then shopped with Claire and her mom until it was time for dinner with the gang at The Cheesecake Bistro. I have been so blessed with so many new, wonderful friends here! We had a great time, ate wonderful food and simply enjoyed each others' company. As a friend just reminded me, sometimes simple or simply can be quite nice.


Claire and I spent a good amount of time a Barnes&Noble today (I love that place!) and I found about seven books that are on my next-to-buy list. I should actually write that list down at some point, shouldn't I? Most were novels, and the majority of those were spin offs or near to the topics of Pride&Prejudice, Jane Austen, or Shakespeare. I reminded myself that I have three books of those same sorts packed away for the apartment that I should read first before I go buy new ones. Not that I'm going to have much time to read once we're in the apartment. There is absolutely no break between Footloose and Gypsy so once school begins and summer ends, things will remain in full swing.


Speaking of the apartment, Claire and I got some cute decorations for the apartment today, too. Some picture frames and wall decorations, things of that nature. It'll be fun to get things all situated and set up the way we want it. But getting to the apartment means several things, the saddest of which will be that the summer is over and I have to leave all my wonderful Central friends.


But let's not think about that. It's these wonderful friends that I have the next month to spend with. In and out of rehearsals, making plenty of memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Each and every one of these new friends of mine hold a special place in my heart. They've also taught me many valuable things this summer and I cannot wait to keep learning.


Like tonight, beyond being blessed with such fun friends, I am blessed to be surrounded by a group of fellow believers who love to encourage one another and give glory to God and His crown. Seriously. Tonight when we were out after dinner, we were approached by a street evangelist. If he did nothing else, he got me thinking, which I believe was a very good thing. He presented a challenge and a thought, prodding me to evaluate where I stand and what I think on a few things. It reaffirmed the belief and joy in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence or chance. We met him for a reason.


I mean, come on! We went to the Apple store because Garrett wanted to buy something for his iPhone, but it was closed. We lingered outside just talking until a security guard asked us to move over (which made no sense at the time why on one area of concrete we seemed like troublemakers but on the next we were perfectly acceptable, nonthreatening teenagers) and then out comes the evangelist to our little group and tada. Whether we were meant to meet him for me to have something to think about, for him to be encouraged by a large group of believers, or for the man who approached asking "how do you know what heaven tastes like?" to simply have someone to talk to, or whether it was for some other reason we are never to know, it is still exciting that there is a reason!

I may write more later, but right now, I'm exhausted. Just had to get a few thoughts out :]
Goodnight all!

Airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now.

On the way to CCT just now, I heard the song with these lyrics for the first time. I'd seen the lyrics posted on a multitude of statuses on Facebook over the past few weeks, but I truly had never heard the recorded version. A lucky guess led me to find that Hayley Williams is the voice behind the words; each repetition of the four lines were a breath of fresh air from the lengthy rapped majority of the song. But then I got to thinking...

I don't need to pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars even though I could really use a wish right now. I've got something that rings with far more truth than a silver 757 with a blinking light that only pretends to be a star moving across the sky. I've got Someone that can grant me more than a wish, a wish that comes with a catch and a clause saying that I can't tell anyone or it won't come true. I don't have 3000 feet of cold, polluted air between me and my Dream-Giver.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8: 3-4

You could say that I've got my lucky stars to thank for the Someone I have, but then I'd beg to differ. I have no fortunate orbs of hot gas to praise for the relationship I have with a true Light to the world. I have only He Himself to thank time and time again for the sacrifice He made and the love He has for me. His love is unlike any other's; it is unending and unconditional. It is everlasting and enticing. He wants to draw us near to Him.

Next time you look up at the sky, really look. You might see a shooting star; isn't it beautiful? Maybe it was an airplane; isn't the mind God gave us --the mind with the capacity to create such a marvel-- incredible?

He named each star as He set it in place. He knows every detail about that star: it's temperature, age, distance from earth, and the precise moment at which you'll look at it. It's the same with me and with you. He knows every detail about us: how many hairs are on our head, the speed at which thoughts race through our minds, our exact age down to the millisecond, and exactly where you're sitting and what you're doing right now. That amazes me.

As far as wishes go, I will agree that it is fun to have an image or a thought in mind when you blow out the candles atop a birthday cake (whether they number five or nineteen) and it's a familiar scene in our favorite movies when the main character closes their eyes tight and ties all her hopes and dreams to the bright light flashing across the sky. That's great, really, but is it real?

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Guess what? That means He knows what they are. He knows every dream, goal, hope and wish that you have for today, tomorrow, and beyond. He knows the ones you had yesterday. He knows the ones you had when you were six. He knows them and He placed them in your heart --the special place that should be reserved for Him-- so that He can safeguard them and form them and see them through.

Romans 8:26-28 tells us that the Spirit helps us and intercedes for us, going for the Lord on our behalf when we do not know what to think or pray. The One who knows us best also knows how to pray for us best and prepare for us best. All things work for the good of His will and purpose which is exciting in itself.

What's exciting to me is that it's okay to have dreams! It's okay to have high hopes and wishes! God has them too! He has so many plans and dreams for this world that He is absolutely eager to see come to life, and He want's us to help Him.

He doesn't need us to, for He could certainly do it on His own, but we should feel honored that He wants our help. Us! Lowly, sinful, unclean us. He has chosen us, gifted us, to live with Him in eternity should we love Him and trust Him, beliving in Him and inviting Him into our hearts.

Our God is so good! I could go on forever. And I will :)
That is the only plan I have right now: to sing His praises, do His work, and stand in awe of Him forever! That plan sounds good to me.

Beautiful, Beautiful

Don't take for granted who you are. We spend years of our lives trying to be someone else. We envy the way someone dresses, are jealous of the attention someone recieves; we want to become the center of attention as easily as the girl two seats away from us. We wish we walked differently, talked differently, dress, acted, ate, sang differently.

But then, don't we admire the people we do because they are unlike anyone else? It's their originality that makes such an impact. It's the things that make them unique that we all chase after so badly.

Don't you know that no one else talks the way you do? No one smiles with the same intensity and no one's eyes blink in the same pattern. No one has the same fingerprints, morning bedhead, or itunes library as you. No one dots their i's or crosses their t's the same as you. You are uniquely you.

No one's silent laugh of amusement is the same as yours. No one walks across hot concrete, wades through cool water, or takes the stage the same way you do. The way you count out change or determine your left from your right is wholly yours. The path of where you look for your missing keys and the time you take to choose your words are unlike anyone else's. What hurts your feelings and what cheers you up, they're yours, too. You are uniquely you.

The way you unconsciously twist your hair and the self-made song you tap your fingernails to are yours as well. The strength with which you love, the gravity with which you believe, the lengths to which you trust; all those are yours. The qualities in yourself that you're thinking of right now? Yes, those are yours too.

I'm not sure where this came from, but it was something that appealed to me. Something sparked inside that I wanted to put into words. I am uniquely me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Yet I don't give my Creator enough thanks and praise for that as He deserves.

So, here is my thank you. Thank You, Lord, for the way You have created me. Thank You for all Your unique creations in this world. Thank You for the ones I've met and those I haven't. Thank You for putting up with us when we criticise Your work, and please forgive us for doing it. You remind us of Your brilliance and creativity in everything we come across. Thank you so much!

And to anyone who reads this, never ever forget that you are uniquely you. He made you the way you are for a reason, and He loves you just as you are!

Primavera

Well, it's here, isn't it? Summer is kicking it up in full swing. Spring Show has come and gone, having spun a whirlwind of drama around itself, but the means to an end with money for summer and next semester is complete. Ten days of a garage sale, with one on either side of the permit for prep and take-down, have been completed which is a major relief and weight off my shoulders. Looks like I've got today and tomorrow to wrap up a few things here then it's off to Central!

Friday is going to be a long day. A good day, but a long day. I'm not too fond of long car rides, let alone drives, but I think Ill manage. My iPod is updated with some new music, a sermon series a few friends just rave about, and both oldies and goodies (if you could consider 'N SYNC, Backstreet Boys, and the old country greats "oldies"). Ill be leaving bright and early, but the sooner the better, you know? I want plenty of time to take my time on the road and to be able to stop when I need to. Guess that's just the routine. I've made the drive 4 times now, there and back and there and back, but all four times I was with Claire. Little Miss will be in Cali still so I guess it's just me, myself, and my iPod.

Footloose starts Monday and I'm sooooooo excited. I miss performing so much. It will be a blast to be in rehearsals again, learning routines and what not. I know this show like the back of my hand but still! I was on the tech end of it last time; now I get to be in it. Plus, I'll be around a crew of new fantastic friends (some I have yet to meet even) which will just add to the fun.

Guess this was just a quick update, sort of a check point about where I am. Now it's off to Walmart and to pack; if I'm planning to head out on Friday there's a few things I should probably get done first :)

Summer 2010? Yes, please!
Song of the day: "Primavera" by Ludovico Einaudi
{A little ironic for a post about summer to have a song about spring :) Enjoy! }

Amen

I love finding new songs. Especially by my favorite artists. Dave Barnes has a relatively new one that's been stuck in my head the past few days. "Amen". :] Couldn't help but post them. And I have a new playlist. It is included, of course, along with a few other greats. I also have a slight obsession with post-it notes, so the picture was too cute not to share. Enjoy!


We will have love
We will have pain
There will be days and days and days that feel the same
We will have fear
We will have joy
And maybe little girls and little boys

We will have friends
We will have peace
There will be nights of lights and music 'til you sleep
We will be strong
We will still break
We'll live through so much more than we can take

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

We will have hope
We will have doubt
There will be memories we could never live without
We will have tears
But there will be grace
There will be prayers that we never thought we'd pray

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

In the sun or the storms
The flood or the flames
Let everything come, and I'm the one to blame
In heartache or hope
I swear I'll say,
I'll say

Amen, Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen, Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

Nonfiction Love Song

I have decided: I am going to be a photographer.

If only it was that easy, right? There are many things I wish I could simply speak into existence, but it doesn't always work that way. Back to what I was saying, I'd love to be a photographer. It's always been an option, always been sitting on the edge of my mind as a hobby I'd like to take up or a profession I could go into. I mean, it's only natural. First step into my house and you can easily see that I've been surrounded by pictures --and hundreds of them-- all my life.

My mother has an obsession with them. We have dozens of them hanging on every wall and sitting on every table, television, windowsill, any piece of furniture with a flat surface has a picture on it. No joke. She was always snapping pictures of us; running around in the yard, playing dress up in our rooms, dancing in recitals, a whole multitude of daily occurrances captured on film. Now almost all things film have gone to digital, but that's a whole 'nother story (let's just say, I'm determined to own a polaroid camera one day; just for kicks).

Seriously though. Photography just does wonders. I still have no idea how it works but it floors me how a little contraption --which with technology grows smaller and smaller by the year-- can capture a split second of time for us to look back over and frame and keep for years to come. Memories are great, a wonderful thing to think on and enjoy, but there's just something about seeing that moment relived in a picture. The thought of capturing those moments and preserving them.. it makes me want to catch every second of every day and put it in my pocket.

I know, I know.. there's a thing called living in the moment. There's an element of stepping out of that moment when you have to press pause on what is happening to dig through your purse for that little silver and blue camera which may or may not have enough battery power to snap a shot of that kodak moment that most likely just passed you by. I get that, I do. But what about catching that wide smile and joyous moment (or moments) for other people? That's something I'd love to do.

So... I'm a smidge of a romantic, incredibly girly, and have been known to cry and squeal from time to time if something should happen that tugs at my heartstrings. It happens. And it happens over pictures. A lot. I find myself more and more lately perusing various photographers blogs and sites and sessions, wishing that I could do something similar.

I'm going to make it happen. Eventually. Just you wait and see.

This post, random as always, was inspired by that new hobby of looking through webpage after webpage of photography, and it was one session that hit me in particular. The pictures were gorgeous, absolutely beautiful, and the couple was Dagen and Avery, friends of a friend from Lifegroup (Avery is actually the roommate of the girl whose house we met at every week). It was a combination of the pictures and the story (HERE) behind their engagement and relationship that just took the cake for me (again, it's that whole hopeless romantic thing). A beautiful, Christian, inspiring couple.

Enough for tonight though. Or this morning, as it would be just after 2am. I'm rambling at this point. The other update I was originally going to post will come. Again, eventually.

For now, enjoy a few of my favorite photographers (and the above photo is credited to the first site listed below):
http://www.kathrynkrueger.com/
http://www.sixfourteenphotography.com/
http://www.daisypearlportraits.com/
http://stokedproductions.org/

Good night, and sweet dreams to all!
Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"Nonfiction Love Song" by Jillian Edwards

Half of My Heart

I saw these roses at the store yesterday for the first time since freshman year in high school. They are so beautiful! "Intuition Roses" are their name and, much to my surprise and amusement, I found out that they were bred in France in 1999, so they're still a relatively new and rarely seen sort even eleven years later. So striking.

Random, I know, but I had to share.
Song of the day: "Half of My Heart" by John Mayer (with Taylor Swift).

I Cannot Hide My Love!

This has been such a crazy week. Beautiful. Wonderful. Stressful. All sorts of other "-ful"s, too. And there is only one week left to go! I had three days of classes, then a day to relax and sleep in for Dia del Loso (Day of the Bear, my university's campus-wide holiday celebration), then a full day's work of Asst. Stage Managing a 5A One Act Play Region competition (isn't that a mouthful?). Tuesday was a wonderful experience at Lifegroup, wonderful truths were reminded and revealed to me. I am so very blessed! Tomorrow begins our final week of classes and I am wondering if the reality that my freshman year of college is almost through will truly hit. I can say it and see it all I want, but the weight hasn't touched me yet. I'm half afraid it is going to knock me over full force, but the excitement of the years and summer to come is making me more okay with the fact that this year has flown by! And they said high school goes by fast.. goodness.

I was talking with a friend today about how it seems like just yesterday I was at line camp last summer, barely learning my way around campus, meeting new friends and putting together a mini-sing act. Now I've made many, many friends, know the campus like the back of my hand, and am actually working on an act with Sing Alliance Leadership for next year. This year has been such a year for growing and learning and finding out who and what I want to be as well as who and what I'm meant to be, both of which I am still learning. But not only did last summer seem like yesterday, so did so many other things.

I remember being in pre-k and wanting so badly to be a 5th grader, because they had the cool classrooms upstairs. I remembered changing from one private school to the next, overwhelmed at the thought of changing from a well-known grade of eight students to one of eighteen. I remembered when 5th grade finally came and it was cool to be friends with a 7th grader. I remember when in 7th grade, all we wanted was to be in high school. I remember changing schools again, but going from a grade of 15 students to one of 350, leaving both of my best friends for a building and new schedule where I knew no one. I remember meeting a girl on the way to lunch, in the bathroom I had spent the previous day crying in, doing the same. I remember becoming best friends with her and letting her convince me that I could survive in my new school. I remember taking my first theatre class, never imagining I would be majoring in the subject at college. I remember my first day of high school, how I couldn't wait to be a senior. I remember running for class office, auditioning for shows, fire drills, bomb threats, football games, note passing, all that is high school. I remember the drama and the stress, the fun times and the excitement, the homework and the dances. I remember walking the stage and thinking, "So that's it? It doesn't feel like it's over.."

Lot's of "I remembers.." huh? I've been in a really reflective mood lately. Seriously though. I remember when some of my biggest concerns were who had the writing notebook this week and whether or not I was going to miss 7th Heaven and Boy Meets World. So many wonderful memories. This year has been full of them too.

As for right now, in this moment, I'm loving where I'm at and what is happening. I am surrounded by wonderful people, all complete gifts to my life, and have so much to look forward to. I have a God who is filling me with His love and a love for Him. I'm completely overwhelmed with an excitement for what He is doing and what He has in store! No more dread of my plans coming undone, just thrilled to see what He does!

I found a new song this week, one we sang at Lifegroup, and it has quickly risen to one of my favorites. It's the title of this post, actually. "I Cannot Hide My Love" by Cambridge. I just can't help but sing it at the top of my lungs and dance ot it! It is so true! God is so good!

Holy Spirit, I need Your touch more than ever before.
Oh, Jesus, I need Your love, and I'm desperate for more.
When I fail, Your presence all around me.
When I fail, Your arms as they surround me.

We sing, I cannot hide my love
I cannot hide my love,
my feet will have to dance!
I cannot hide my love,
I cannot hide my love,
my heart will have to sing!

I am so in love with
I am so in love with You, my Lord, my God!
I am so in love with
I am so in love with You, my Lord, my God!

Just a few of the lyrics. It's a beautiful song. And our God is a beautiful God! He's teaching me, stretching me right now, I'm positive of that. And it isn't easy. I know I've been hesitant and disobedient and settling for little. Praise God for my discipler, Priscilla! Girl, you are such an angel and I am so glad that we're sisters in Him and walking together like we are. Beautiful inside and out, absolutely. It's been so wonderful to get to talk to her and really open up with her about what's all going on in my head and heart. She is one of my Lifegroup leaders and I cannot wait to keep learning with her and from her.

But, enough for tonight I think. I've a few things to do before bed and I still have to catch up on some sleep from this week. Blessings on all of you this week! Hope everything is wonderful and your days are bright!

Head Over Feet

Today smelled like California. Really, it did. I left my dorm this morning and it reminded me of our visits to San Diego to see my grandmother; I smelt the salt water, fresh cut grass, ice plant and birds of paradise that surrounds her house. Maybe that's my reminder that summer is coming... It was a very pleasant reminder to find!

This summer is going to be magnificent. I'm so excited to see what plans God has for it. Gosh knows that I know by now how my plans thus far have been pushed aside for better ones time and time again, so it is totally up to Him. I've got complete faith and lots of hope that what He wants to happen will happen.

Summer is coming quickly. There are two and a half weeks of classes left. What?! I know, it's crazy. It's exciting and frightening. Freshman year is nearly over. It's gone by so fast! I've enjoyed it so much though! I never, ever thought I would end up at Baylor. It just was never a possibility. I never thought I would be a theatre major. I never thought I would have the friends that I do and be looking at a future as exciting as the one infront of me. I never knew I would have this much of a wake up call or be this aware of God and His hand in everything. All of these things have been such a blessing!

It's fun and interesting to look back and see how things have evolved this year. Definitely makes you stop and think. One different decision could have changed everything. I could have chosen Hardin-Simmons University. I could have chosen to be an English major. I could have chosen all sorts of different things, but there is a reason I didn't. There are reasons that I recognize now, reasons I'll see someday, and reasons I'll never know. That's the beauty of God's power and omnicience. It never ceases to amaze me.

Once again, just a random rambling moment. Hope you enjoyed :)

Until next time,
Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette
It's been in my head this morning.. just for fun.

You Are For Me

Today has put me in a strange mood. Strange for lack of a better word. Thoughtful might be more fitting. Pensive. Nostalgic. Curious. A wide array of words would work, come to think about it. To put it most simply, I've been doing quite a lot of thinking.

Firstly, it's Easter. The celebration of the sacrifice our loving Lord made for us two thousand years ago. He gave us the greatest gift. He bore all of our sins on his guiltless shoulders and suffered death on a cross for our sakes. But it goes even further. He forgave us of our sins and went on to defeat death, rising again on the third day to ascend into Heaven to prepare a place for us and to reign eternally. God is so good! It just blows my mind.

I still can't bring myself to watch The Passion of the Christ. I want to, but I'm half afraid to. We've heard the stories growing up and have both read and seen various descriptions of the brutal torture and death Jesus endured, and hearing it is so difficult as it is. But watching it.. or a reproduction of it at least... I dont know that I'll be able to handle it. I feel like I should watch it though, to really be reminded of it, of its intensity and the depth of His love for facing all that when He could have simply said no and let us suffer what we deserved. A pain like that can only be put into words so sufficiently, and I don't believe words do it justice. And so The Passion is on my list of movies to watch. But I'll definitely have to be in a right mindset to watch it.. it wont be something I take lightly...

Along with Easter, today was my grandfather's 75th birthday. Happy Birthday, Pop! I love that man so much. I love being around him and hearing him laugh and talk about when we were younger or him growing up or even his time in the Marines. One of the most vivid memories I have of him from when I was little was the two of us sitting under the piano playing house with my dolls. I don't get to see him very often since I'm off at Baylor, but I try to make it a point to stop by and see him and Nanny every time I come through. Dad's always reminding me that they won't be around forever, which is true with everyone honestly, so I've really been challenged to take advantage of and cherish every moment I'm given, every chance I get to be around them.

Then that got me thinking, shouldn't we look at every moment that way? Every second of every minute of every day of every week of every.... so on and so on, is a gift. It's a gift from God to be able to get in the car for two hours and step inside my front door to see my dad seated at his desk, my mom in the kitchen, my brother playing video games in the living room, and my sister bolting out the door for her truck. It's a gift to be able to walk down the hall, up two flights of stairs, around a corner or two and knock on the door with the Dr. Seuss sticky notes and magnet board hanging on it to have it open and my best friend appear with a smile on her face. It's a gift to be able to open up facebook or myspace or blogger and to have an instant connection to friends that I wouldn't otherwise get to chat with. If we only took the time to see how much of a blessing each person and each moment is.

Lot's of thoughts all over the place have been bumping around in my head today, I guess. Not sure if any of them make sense or relate to one another, but they're all there and all weighing heavy on my heart in some way or another. I guess here is as good of a place as any to set them out, hm?

Good news, by the way! This summer is falling into place! My last exam is May 8, I move home on May 9, then spend the next week working on my high school's drill team's spring show. The following two weeks I'll stay at Nanny and Pop's to have the huge garage sale, then once that's over I'm off to Louisiana. :) I am absolutely elated! In December, I was beyond disappointed, near-devistated, at not being chosen to be a line camp leader. If I had been picked, that meant I would have been at Baylor all summer, living on campus running camps and orientations. But now that my plans didn't go through --one of my favorite quotes is "The best way to make God laugh is to make plans"-- I have a whole new summer infront of me.

Of course, who's to say this is what is actually going to happen. A million things could change in the next month, but it is nice to have this to look forward to! A summer of working on a show with my best friend and new friends, experiencing a world of new things and adventures, doing what I love. Of course, I've got an online class to take and may be back at Baylor for a few days for a three-day summer course, but things have just been falling into place to really set this summer up for me. Little, tiny things and big things, too.

I love that He's got everything under control and can see the big picture so much better than we can!

I guess that's all for now. This blog had a point, but it just turned into randomness. Don't they all though? :] Goodnight, everyone! I should probably be getting some sleep. Might be a smart idea, huh? So yes, goodnight. Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite! And blessings on each and every one of you!

Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe
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You're Beautiful

"You are beautiful, and you matter.
It doesn't matter who is reading this,
I know that it's true for every
single person out there.
Don't stop believing in that."

Sadly, we don't see or hear too many things like this these days. Infact we get more of the opposite. You're not good enough.
You're not beautiful.
You need to change.

Change for what? Why should we change who we are?
According to the world's standards, we always need improvement. There are a million self-help books out there telling us how to reorganize our lives, our closets, our relationships, everything, for what? To fit the world's standards. To fit the world's definition of perfection.
But how do we so easily forget that perfection isn't manageable?

The magazines we see tell us we should "look like these people;" the movies teach us to "act like these people." The world tells us to be someone else.

There is a Someone Else we should try to be more like, I'll definitely give you that.
But He isn't wordly. He's so far beyond that.

He is beautiful. He is perfection. He is loving, fulfilling, sustaining, encouraging, forgiving, and all good things. And He thinks you're worth it.

Finding significance is what we do. It's the root desire of most of our actions. We want attention from our family and we want significance in that name and circle. We want significance among our friends. We search for meaningful relationships because we want to be wanted and needed, giving us significance.

But we ARE wanted! That's the beautiful thing. And even more so, we're wanted by Someone who doesn't need us. Truth be told, He has the power to continue without us. But He want's us anyway!

To Him, you're beautiful. To Him you are fearfully and wonderfully made, made in His image, made with a plan and a purpose to prosper you, plans to bring you a hope and a future.Think of the picture-perfect storybook romance.

Think of your favorite chick-flick. Think of the scenes and couples that make you smile and the romance you dream of for yourself.

You have one ready and waiting. God adores you, loves you, showers you with gifts and evidence of His adoration. But are we willing to accept it and return it?

I'm not really sure where this came from, but it's been on my heart. And it's definitely something to think about. Where and to who do you look for significance? Where and to who when there is Someone who thinks the world of you. Who would give the world for you. And who already has.

You are beautiful, adored, endlessly loved!
You are His beloved!
Blessings on all of you,
Bailey Jean

"Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture." Psalm 100: 3

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7

Song of the Day
"Go Together" by Jillian Edwards
All of her songs are wonderful; she played at the Christmas Tree Lighting this year and was amazing. Definitely worth checking out. :]

Cowboy Casanova

What a full week it has been! But a good week by my book. I've had busy days and easy days, quizzes and cancelled classes, late nights and early mornings, but it's all in a week's work, right? Right.

The weekend did arrive, and boy am I glad for it. I'm home for a few days and am glad for that chance. I love, love, love sitting on the couch watching chick flicks with my mom or sitting on the floor of the den watching Treasure Planet with Mitchell. It's a nice simplicity and routine. Man, that little boy holds a special place in my heart. I can't believe he's seven! He's growing up too fast. Someone --coughRosscough-- pointed out that he'll be driving in nine years. O.O Talk about strange to think about. Mitchell is doing so well though. He's learning so much Spanish (way more than I ever learned) and is getting so tall. He's growing up on me.

Shelby hasn't been in yet, but I'm sure she'll be around sometime. She, mom and I are getting pedicures tomorrow; a little girl-time is in order I think :) Afterwards, I'm hanging out with Colton tomorrow afternoon and may stop by my grandparents house for a while.

Being away really made me realize how often I took for granted being home and around my family all the time. I know I don't call or keep in touch as often or as well as I should, but I'm working on it. God has blessed me with amazing parents, siblings, grandparents, and friends and I definitely want to take advantage of the gifts He's given me :]

Speaking of friends, I would definitely have to agree that making new friends is definitely a blessing, too! I definitely appreciate you putting up with me this week, Dillon ;P And I hope you dont mind but I'll probably keep bothering you from time to time :) Wicked is going to be wonderful!

Short update today, but it's something. Good night all!

Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"Cowboy Casanova" by Carrie Underwood
--> Ross gave me her latest CD. It's wonderful!

Walls

Today has been a good day. A good note to start off with, I think. It truly has been a very nice day in many definitions of the word.

I had a test this morning in Scenic Elements, and I think I did okay with it. The test was pretty simple and short, so I was out of class an hour early. Spent some time with a group of theatre majors and one of our professors, chatting and eating donuts; definitely an addition to the already pleasant morning. After that I was off to Astronomy which was also released early. Crew was easy and quick and we were let go after forty five minutes.

So many moments of free time today. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I mean, I was still busy, still had things to do, but I had time to breath. And sometimes I don't appreciate those small moments as much as I should. Like now. I have just over three hours until rehearsal. Time to sit and think and write and relax. Time I wouldn't have on an ordinary day.

This week --while at the beginning I thought it was going to drag by-- has gone by so quickly! I've been rehearsing every night for a scene that goes up tomorrow, been spending time with friends, finding time to rest, and even saw Macbeth last night. And in the past two weeks, I've been presented with opportunities for this summer and next year, going tomorrow to plan my schedule for next semester; life is just coming at me in full force and I couldn't be more excited! :]

So what am I going to do to celebrate this? I'm going to relax. I'm going to relax, read, write, watch a favorite movie or two, head home for the weekend, and spend some good quality time with my family and friends. I'll take each day one day at a time, but at the same time continue to grow excited about what is coming up (and there are so many things to be excited about!).

I saw a quote yesterday that said "Today might not be my day, but it's going to be my year." Today was my day, I think, but even if it wasn't and even if tomorrow's not, it's going to be my year.

Actually, no, it's not. It's going to be His year. It's His today and tomorrow and every day beyond that. Which makes it even more exciting :]

I think Pride&Prejudice is just begging to be put in the DVD player, so that's what I am off to watch. Until next time and goodnight!

Bailey Jean

Song of the day:
"Walls" by The Rocket Summer :]
The newest album is fantastic!

A quote I found after writing this post. Seems fitting to me.
You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get throughyour list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happywhen you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy whenyou stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on plane. You can be happy in the rain. Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

Deeper Than the Holler

You know, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of writing every day. I used to. Truly. I wrote at least once, if not twice, a day. I loved having a place to put my thoughts into words and to have somewhere and take some time to unload after a long day. So now, here I am.

Words. I like words. Ha, I'm such an English nerd, but I do! When writing a story or even a paper for a class I love coming up with just the right word to say what I mean or stringing together the perfect phrase. But at the same time I get frustrated when I can't come up with the right word or words. Therefore, my theaurus is one of my best friends. And dictionary.com of course.

And I love what people can do with words. Set them to music and you have a beautiful song. Write them in rhyme or even free verse and you have poetry to last through the ages. Sometimes other people can say what I'm feeling so much better than I can.

Plus, isn't it wonderful when someone says exactly what you need to hear?

I'm rambling, I know, I know. I go off on tangents and random rants about the strangest of things like, oh, I dont know, words. But for the first time to take to this place in a while, I think it will do. More later? Just maybe.

You'll have to wait and see :]

PS. Deeper Than the Holler by Randy Travis. <3

March 2010

Oh yes, it's coming. :]
Soon. Very soon.