Half of My Heart

I saw these roses at the store yesterday for the first time since freshman year in high school. They are so beautiful! "Intuition Roses" are their name and, much to my surprise and amusement, I found out that they were bred in France in 1999, so they're still a relatively new and rarely seen sort even eleven years later. So striking.

Random, I know, but I had to share.
Song of the day: "Half of My Heart" by John Mayer (with Taylor Swift).

I Cannot Hide My Love!

This has been such a crazy week. Beautiful. Wonderful. Stressful. All sorts of other "-ful"s, too. And there is only one week left to go! I had three days of classes, then a day to relax and sleep in for Dia del Loso (Day of the Bear, my university's campus-wide holiday celebration), then a full day's work of Asst. Stage Managing a 5A One Act Play Region competition (isn't that a mouthful?). Tuesday was a wonderful experience at Lifegroup, wonderful truths were reminded and revealed to me. I am so very blessed! Tomorrow begins our final week of classes and I am wondering if the reality that my freshman year of college is almost through will truly hit. I can say it and see it all I want, but the weight hasn't touched me yet. I'm half afraid it is going to knock me over full force, but the excitement of the years and summer to come is making me more okay with the fact that this year has flown by! And they said high school goes by fast.. goodness.

I was talking with a friend today about how it seems like just yesterday I was at line camp last summer, barely learning my way around campus, meeting new friends and putting together a mini-sing act. Now I've made many, many friends, know the campus like the back of my hand, and am actually working on an act with Sing Alliance Leadership for next year. This year has been such a year for growing and learning and finding out who and what I want to be as well as who and what I'm meant to be, both of which I am still learning. But not only did last summer seem like yesterday, so did so many other things.

I remember being in pre-k and wanting so badly to be a 5th grader, because they had the cool classrooms upstairs. I remembered changing from one private school to the next, overwhelmed at the thought of changing from a well-known grade of eight students to one of eighteen. I remembered when 5th grade finally came and it was cool to be friends with a 7th grader. I remember when in 7th grade, all we wanted was to be in high school. I remember changing schools again, but going from a grade of 15 students to one of 350, leaving both of my best friends for a building and new schedule where I knew no one. I remember meeting a girl on the way to lunch, in the bathroom I had spent the previous day crying in, doing the same. I remember becoming best friends with her and letting her convince me that I could survive in my new school. I remember taking my first theatre class, never imagining I would be majoring in the subject at college. I remember my first day of high school, how I couldn't wait to be a senior. I remember running for class office, auditioning for shows, fire drills, bomb threats, football games, note passing, all that is high school. I remember the drama and the stress, the fun times and the excitement, the homework and the dances. I remember walking the stage and thinking, "So that's it? It doesn't feel like it's over.."

Lot's of "I remembers.." huh? I've been in a really reflective mood lately. Seriously though. I remember when some of my biggest concerns were who had the writing notebook this week and whether or not I was going to miss 7th Heaven and Boy Meets World. So many wonderful memories. This year has been full of them too.

As for right now, in this moment, I'm loving where I'm at and what is happening. I am surrounded by wonderful people, all complete gifts to my life, and have so much to look forward to. I have a God who is filling me with His love and a love for Him. I'm completely overwhelmed with an excitement for what He is doing and what He has in store! No more dread of my plans coming undone, just thrilled to see what He does!

I found a new song this week, one we sang at Lifegroup, and it has quickly risen to one of my favorites. It's the title of this post, actually. "I Cannot Hide My Love" by Cambridge. I just can't help but sing it at the top of my lungs and dance ot it! It is so true! God is so good!

Holy Spirit, I need Your touch more than ever before.
Oh, Jesus, I need Your love, and I'm desperate for more.
When I fail, Your presence all around me.
When I fail, Your arms as they surround me.

We sing, I cannot hide my love
I cannot hide my love,
my feet will have to dance!
I cannot hide my love,
I cannot hide my love,
my heart will have to sing!

I am so in love with
I am so in love with You, my Lord, my God!
I am so in love with
I am so in love with You, my Lord, my God!

Just a few of the lyrics. It's a beautiful song. And our God is a beautiful God! He's teaching me, stretching me right now, I'm positive of that. And it isn't easy. I know I've been hesitant and disobedient and settling for little. Praise God for my discipler, Priscilla! Girl, you are such an angel and I am so glad that we're sisters in Him and walking together like we are. Beautiful inside and out, absolutely. It's been so wonderful to get to talk to her and really open up with her about what's all going on in my head and heart. She is one of my Lifegroup leaders and I cannot wait to keep learning with her and from her.

But, enough for tonight I think. I've a few things to do before bed and I still have to catch up on some sleep from this week. Blessings on all of you this week! Hope everything is wonderful and your days are bright!

Head Over Feet

Today smelled like California. Really, it did. I left my dorm this morning and it reminded me of our visits to San Diego to see my grandmother; I smelt the salt water, fresh cut grass, ice plant and birds of paradise that surrounds her house. Maybe that's my reminder that summer is coming... It was a very pleasant reminder to find!

This summer is going to be magnificent. I'm so excited to see what plans God has for it. Gosh knows that I know by now how my plans thus far have been pushed aside for better ones time and time again, so it is totally up to Him. I've got complete faith and lots of hope that what He wants to happen will happen.

Summer is coming quickly. There are two and a half weeks of classes left. What?! I know, it's crazy. It's exciting and frightening. Freshman year is nearly over. It's gone by so fast! I've enjoyed it so much though! I never, ever thought I would end up at Baylor. It just was never a possibility. I never thought I would be a theatre major. I never thought I would have the friends that I do and be looking at a future as exciting as the one infront of me. I never knew I would have this much of a wake up call or be this aware of God and His hand in everything. All of these things have been such a blessing!

It's fun and interesting to look back and see how things have evolved this year. Definitely makes you stop and think. One different decision could have changed everything. I could have chosen Hardin-Simmons University. I could have chosen to be an English major. I could have chosen all sorts of different things, but there is a reason I didn't. There are reasons that I recognize now, reasons I'll see someday, and reasons I'll never know. That's the beauty of God's power and omnicience. It never ceases to amaze me.

Once again, just a random rambling moment. Hope you enjoyed :)

Until next time,
Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette
It's been in my head this morning.. just for fun.

You Are For Me

Today has put me in a strange mood. Strange for lack of a better word. Thoughtful might be more fitting. Pensive. Nostalgic. Curious. A wide array of words would work, come to think about it. To put it most simply, I've been doing quite a lot of thinking.

Firstly, it's Easter. The celebration of the sacrifice our loving Lord made for us two thousand years ago. He gave us the greatest gift. He bore all of our sins on his guiltless shoulders and suffered death on a cross for our sakes. But it goes even further. He forgave us of our sins and went on to defeat death, rising again on the third day to ascend into Heaven to prepare a place for us and to reign eternally. God is so good! It just blows my mind.

I still can't bring myself to watch The Passion of the Christ. I want to, but I'm half afraid to. We've heard the stories growing up and have both read and seen various descriptions of the brutal torture and death Jesus endured, and hearing it is so difficult as it is. But watching it.. or a reproduction of it at least... I dont know that I'll be able to handle it. I feel like I should watch it though, to really be reminded of it, of its intensity and the depth of His love for facing all that when He could have simply said no and let us suffer what we deserved. A pain like that can only be put into words so sufficiently, and I don't believe words do it justice. And so The Passion is on my list of movies to watch. But I'll definitely have to be in a right mindset to watch it.. it wont be something I take lightly...

Along with Easter, today was my grandfather's 75th birthday. Happy Birthday, Pop! I love that man so much. I love being around him and hearing him laugh and talk about when we were younger or him growing up or even his time in the Marines. One of the most vivid memories I have of him from when I was little was the two of us sitting under the piano playing house with my dolls. I don't get to see him very often since I'm off at Baylor, but I try to make it a point to stop by and see him and Nanny every time I come through. Dad's always reminding me that they won't be around forever, which is true with everyone honestly, so I've really been challenged to take advantage of and cherish every moment I'm given, every chance I get to be around them.

Then that got me thinking, shouldn't we look at every moment that way? Every second of every minute of every day of every week of every.... so on and so on, is a gift. It's a gift from God to be able to get in the car for two hours and step inside my front door to see my dad seated at his desk, my mom in the kitchen, my brother playing video games in the living room, and my sister bolting out the door for her truck. It's a gift to be able to walk down the hall, up two flights of stairs, around a corner or two and knock on the door with the Dr. Seuss sticky notes and magnet board hanging on it to have it open and my best friend appear with a smile on her face. It's a gift to be able to open up facebook or myspace or blogger and to have an instant connection to friends that I wouldn't otherwise get to chat with. If we only took the time to see how much of a blessing each person and each moment is.

Lot's of thoughts all over the place have been bumping around in my head today, I guess. Not sure if any of them make sense or relate to one another, but they're all there and all weighing heavy on my heart in some way or another. I guess here is as good of a place as any to set them out, hm?

Good news, by the way! This summer is falling into place! My last exam is May 8, I move home on May 9, then spend the next week working on my high school's drill team's spring show. The following two weeks I'll stay at Nanny and Pop's to have the huge garage sale, then once that's over I'm off to Louisiana. :) I am absolutely elated! In December, I was beyond disappointed, near-devistated, at not being chosen to be a line camp leader. If I had been picked, that meant I would have been at Baylor all summer, living on campus running camps and orientations. But now that my plans didn't go through --one of my favorite quotes is "The best way to make God laugh is to make plans"-- I have a whole new summer infront of me.

Of course, who's to say this is what is actually going to happen. A million things could change in the next month, but it is nice to have this to look forward to! A summer of working on a show with my best friend and new friends, experiencing a world of new things and adventures, doing what I love. Of course, I've got an online class to take and may be back at Baylor for a few days for a three-day summer course, but things have just been falling into place to really set this summer up for me. Little, tiny things and big things, too.

I love that He's got everything under control and can see the big picture so much better than we can!

I guess that's all for now. This blog had a point, but it just turned into randomness. Don't they all though? :] Goodnight, everyone! I should probably be getting some sleep. Might be a smart idea, huh? So yes, goodnight. Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite! And blessings on each and every one of you!

Bailey Jean

Song of the Day:
"You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe
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